Matty’s Magical Gospel Golf Spell

For When You Really Need a Miracle

A man named Simon lived there, who for some time had astounded the Samaritans with his magic. He claimed that he was someone great, and everyone in the city, from all classes of society, paid close attention to him. “He is that power of God known as ‘The Great Power,’” they said. They paid this attention to him because for such a long time he had astonished them with his magic. But when they believed Philip’s message about the good news of the Kingdom of God and about Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself also believed; and after being baptized, he stayed close to Philip and was astounded when he saw the great wonders and miracles that were being performed.

(Acts 8:9-13) Good News Translation

A busybody Pastor once accused us (that’s me and the Holy spirit) of being Simon the Sorcerer. At the time we were offended and took it personally. Now we simply accept that we were recognized as having power.

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Matty’s Law of Biblical Gravitation

And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.

(1 Samuel 17:49) KJV

In our Biblical theory of gravitation, gravity is a field which is emitted from the singularity at the center of the Earth. In this case the theory and observation are congruent.

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Beyond Einstein

And I will stir up Egyptians against Egyptians,
and they will fight, each against another
and each against his neighbor,
city against city, kingdom against kingdom;
and the spirit of the Egyptians within them will be emptied out,
and I will confound their counsel;
and they will inquire of the idols and the sorcerers,
and the mediums and the necromancers;
and I will give over the Egyptians
into the hand of a hard master,
and a fierce king will rule over them,
declares the Lord God of hosts.

(Isaiah 19:2-4) English Standard Version

Einstein is a manifestation of the sorcerers who counseled in the spirit of Egypt. Egypt failed. A lot’s happened in physics since Einstein, so let’s consider a major development: the discovery of the weak nuclear force.

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Announcing the Death of Relativity

As Jannes and Jambres were opposed to Moses, so also these people are opposed to the truth—people whose minds do not function and who are failures in the faith. But they will not get very far, because everyone will see how stupid they are. That is just what happened to Jannes and Jambres.

(2 Timothy 3:8-9) Good News Translation

It’s with profound delight that we (that’s me and the Holy spirit) can announce the death of relativity. It was never right, and Einstein knew it, but he buried it in math so that only a few elite academics figured it out.

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Faith vs. Sight

while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:18) NKJV

Faith and sight are opposites, like light and darkness, good and evil. When you have one you don’t need the other, and vice versa. We also use them as concepts in a unified theory of everything.

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A Theory of Consciousness

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

(Romans 8:26-27) NKJV

Our theory of Biblical quantum gravitation (BQG) blends into consciousness in a delightful and sublime way opening up new lines of reasoning because of our earlier conclusion that the soul is a gravity node.

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A Theory of Time

And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed.

(Romans 13:11) NKJV

The universe may be 13.8 billion years old while the Earth is 6,000 or so years old SIMULTANEOUSLY. If there’s good science which shows that the material in the universe is really that old, our theory can accommodate it.

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Principle I Summary

for assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

(Matthew 13:17) NKJV

If you’ve ever argued as a Christian on Twitter then you’ll know that the Bible was written by, to quote a phrase frequently used by atheist science trolls (ASTs)…

Ignorant Bronze Age goat herders who didn’t know where the sun went at night.

– Atheist Science Troll
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