Matty’s Magical Gospel Golf Spell

For When You Really Need a Miracle

A man named Simon lived there, who for some time had astounded the Samaritans with his magic. He claimed that he was someone great, and everyone in the city, from all classes of society, paid close attention to him. “He is that power of God known as ‘The Great Power,’” they said. They paid this attention to him because for such a long time he had astonished them with his magic. But when they believed Philip’s message about the good news of the Kingdom of God and about Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself also believed; and after being baptized, he stayed close to Philip and was astounded when he saw the great wonders and miracles that were being performed.

(Acts 8:9-13) Good News Translation

A busybody Pastor once accused us (that’s me and the Holy spirit) of being Simon the Sorcerer. At the time we were offended and took it personally. Now we simply accept that we were recognized as having power.

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Joy, Prayer and Communion

May you always be joyful in your union with the Lord. I say it again: rejoice!

Show a gentle attitude toward everyone. The Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart. And God’s peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:4-7) Good News Translation

We (that’s me and the Holy spirit) have communion with God through the Holy spirit. We’re in, essentially, a permanent state of prayer. The reason why we do this is to understand and experience joy. True joy.

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Testing Gravitation

Paul stood up in front of the city council and said, “I see that in every way you Athenians are very religious. For as I walked through your city and looked at the places where you worship, I found an altar on which is written, ‘To an Unknown God.’ That which you worship, then, even though you do not know it, is what I now proclaim to you. God, who made the world and everything in it, is Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples made by human hands. Nor does he need anything that we can supply by working for him, since it is he himself who gives life and breath and everything else to everyone. From one human being he created all races of people and made them live throughout the whole earth. He himself fixed beforehand the exact times and the limits of the places where they would live. He did this so that they would look for him, and perhaps find him as they felt around for him. Yet God is actually not far from any one of us; as someone has said,
‘In him we live and move and exist.’
It is as some of your poets have said,
‘We too are his children.’

(Acts 17: 22-28) Good News Translation

We (that’s me and the Holy spirit) have deduced a theory of gravitation from the Holy Bible which makes the Newton/Einstein paradigm obsolete (SciPop). Of course you don’t believe us. That’s why we’re going to prove it, using golf.

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Gravitational Golf

Do all this in prayer, asking for God’s help. Pray on every occasion, as the Spirit leads. For this reason keep alert and never give up; pray always for all God’s people.

(Ephesians 6:18) Good News Translation

Every particle in the universe attracts every other particle in the universe with a force which is proportional to the sum of their mass and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

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Concentration

a drawing compass and the creation of gravity on the second day

Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Good news Translation

So we (that’s me and the Holy spirit (my imaginary friend (sent by my magical sky daddy))) have been practicing golf. Why, of all things, golf? Well, for one, why not golf?

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Brightness Before and Darkness Under

He bowed the heavens and came down;
thick darkness was under his feet.
He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.
Out of the brightness before him
hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.

(Psalms 18:9-12 & 2 Samuel 22:10-13) English Standard Version

We have to account for a passage in Psalm 18 where the Bible tells us that God is in both 1) thick darkness and 2) has brightness before Him, at the same time and in the same context.

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The Grave: שְׁא֣וֹל – sheol

Cutaway of planet Earth showing the crust, mantle, great gulf and hell.

I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death: O death, I will be thy plagues; O grave, I will be thy destruction: repentance shall be hid from mine eyes.

(Hosea 13:14) KJV

A word frequently translated as the grave is the Hebrew שְׁא֣וֹל – sheol, but sheol is far more than just the grave. The grave is a portal into the underworld realm of the dead.

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The Forbidden Fruit

Then the Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and guard it. He told him, “You may eat the fruit of any tree in the garden, except the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and what is bad. You must not eat the fruit of that tree; if you do, you will die the same day.”

(Genesis 2:15-17) Good News Translation

Genesis 2:15-17 describes events of the sixth day. It gives us an example of superficial theology. Apparently God lied because Adam didn’t immediately drop dead when he ate the forbidden fruit.

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The LORD God planted a garden

Sunlight filtering throught leave of a knarled tree in the fall

Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the East, and there he put the man he had formed. He made all kinds of beautiful trees grow there and produce good fruit. In the middle of the garden stood the tree that gives life and the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and what is bad.

(Genesis 2:8-9) Good News Translation

Genesis 2:8-9 is topical, not chronological. God planted a garden on the third day, and man was created on the sixth day. Since the garden was made for the man, then that’s how it’s described.

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